Archive for January 12th, 2010

How to Answer Your Phone

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

OK, you may have guessed by now that I have certain beliefs and I am not afraid to share them with others.  If you are not an American and you are living in your homeland then just substitute your country’s name for mine. If you are not an American and living in America, then think of how you would like it to be if you were living in your country.

Finally, if your beliefs are different from mine then simply substitute your belief system in place of mine.  After all, no matter what we call our creator, someone or something brought all of us together on this planet and we should not be concerned with the fact that different peoples gave Him/Her/It a different name. 

**********************************************

How ALL  phones SHOULD be answered! 
  

Receptionist

GOOD MORNING, WELCOME  TO THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA  
……….

 Flag
Press 
’1′ for  English. 
Press 
’2′  to disconnect until you learn to speak English  

Learning English

And remember only two defining  forces have ever Offered to die for  you,
 

Jesus 
Christ
 
Jesus

And the   American Soldier..
 
Soldier

One died for your  soul,
  

Cross

The other for your  freedom. 

Coffin

If you agree…….. Send Your Friends Here
 

GBA

Only in America

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Only in America …do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


Only in America …do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.



Only in America …do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.



Only in America …do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.




Only in America …do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.



Only in America …do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.



EVER WONDER … 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why can’t women put on mascara with their

mouth closed?



Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?




Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?




Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?



Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?




Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?



Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?




Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?




Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?



Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?



You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?



 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


…I like this one!!!


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?



If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?


 We all need to smile every once in a while.

Spread the Stupidity!